The choronicles of an old man's routine.

Day by day, I became more slower.
Everyday I do all the same thing, eat the same stuff.
Made my whole body full of rust and fat.

Fak I hate my current routine, it's make me feel so damn old.
I don't want to be old, no one does.

I really need a something new, that make me feel young again.

Enough of holiday.

Now please end quickly.

Polygamy.

Same old goal.

Trying to lose some kgs.

Traitor.

When I'm doing things, I easily got attracted by other things, and the old thing remain abandoned.

I used to do sport when I'm younger, I'm playing football and never stop doing it.
But I've stopped when I listened to Cobain. I started to play guitar and jam with some friend.
And I suddenly felt for art, painting, and I paint. But I never good at it.
I leaved it all behind, I've tried videography, photography, and now graphic design.

It's not that I leave it means that I dislike them, still love but less practicing.

I'm a traitor, pathetic disloyal dog. I always stop doing something for something else.
I never have a good long term commitment for something.
That's why I didn't know what I really good at.

Yes Man!

My whole 58 of potrait digital painting before decorated with some layout

Done this last week, quite tiring doing this. Spent 3 night just to satisfy the customer. My boss teach me how to say yes in everything.

The customer asked.
"Bolehkah siap dalam 3 hari?"

"Erm." I could just say no. It's imposible for such demand.

"Akak mau guna hari tu juga, mau bagi gift sama pegawai."

"Ok la, saya try la kak, tapi saya tidak janji kualiti."

I said yes and I didn't sleep for 3 damn night.

YES MAN!

Still trying.

At last I got my holiday, I considered it as holiday when it more than two days, and not at weekends.

Some friend asked me to join Persatuan Melawat Rumah Terbuka, but i refused. Well I need to prepared my portfolio for next interview, and it need a lots of work and time.

As usual, I prepared a different portfolio for different interviewee. I got a feeling that this time its gonna be a hard interview but worth it.

I got my first interview last month, I'll assume that it was a mistake.

He said that my work are too straight forward. I usually accept criticizes but not this one. He supposed to know that when it comes to designing for government, you don't have to waste your time to be such an Avante Garde, just look at RTM layout and you know what I mean.

He rejected me, but called me a month later after his designer quit.

I did got the job, but I decided to call it a day, just after a day of working. I can't get along his head, and I don't want to waste my young age. I learned a new lesson.

Your 'creative' is not necessarily my 'creative', vice versa. If its does, then it's something that people will pay for, that's is how things work.

On and On.

I'm working, but part of me still unemployed.

Everyday I woke up, I turned on the computer, checking of the availability of vacancy. I get out of the room, I open the classified section on newspaper. When I reach office, I googled the vacancy for the second time.

And it goes on and on for almost a month. Maybe I've been punished for being too picky.

Blood and Brain.

31st July, I receieve my 2nd wages after graduate. I never happy.

My friend work as a vegetarian restaurant's waiter, he earn more than mine. I am a graphic designer for crissake. I need a car to go further.

Everytime I thinking of getting a car, the newspaper, facebook started to show some horrifiying picture of car accident, and while I'm on a bus on my way to office this morning, I saw a body kneeling on the road, yes kneeling, with his head covered by newspaper and the road are splattered with blood... and brain. Probably hit by a car while crossing.

I'm trying to overcome my phobia here, goddamit.

Mundai.

9.55 a.m, saya bangun dan saya tahu saya terlewat. 9.15 pagi saya sepatutnya berada di tempat kerja. Mungkin pagi tadi saya matikan snoozer dalam keadaan separa sedar.

Namun saya masih agak releks, kerana rakan sekerja lain semuanya pernah datang lewat. Dua bulan saya bekerja, saya tak pernah ponteng walau sehari.

Lalu kusumbat earphone dan mulakan playlist. Bas bergerak agak perlahan ketika ini, I seriously need a car. Fuck mini bus!

Satu SMS diterima.

"Kamu di mana?" Kata bos wanita.

Tenang saya mereply, "Maybe saya lambat sedikit, pemandu bas masih berak, celaka betul dia!"

"Hahaha! Budu ko ni!" Balas bosku.

Sedikit humor menjadi penyelamat isninku.

Sandpaper.

It's been a busy day for me, 6 days of working, a day of sleeping.

Felt so rusty, my skills, my passion, all not been practice anymore. I used to be an enthusiast person. I posted every work I've done and wait for the response.

Uninspired has been my excuses, well it's a stupid excuses I have to admit.

All the ugly shall be remove soon, and a golden layer will be painted onto it.

Stupid.

Two offers. I've rejected both offer worth 1.6K of salary per month. Call me stupid. Well the offer came from KL and I hate the place. Yeah, it might a good place for vacation, but not for living. It's no place for me. The place is like underwater and which got nice view and you wish you could live there but you just couldn't because you'll be dead if you do so. Okay, maybe it just me.

Well, maybe I still think that there's other similar job here.

I've sent my resume to a few company, I hoping to get positive response soon.

Not enough.

Almost all my friend are employed now, Chief Designer, Production Design, Interior Designer, Sales Manager, Conceptual Designer. What a position. But they deserve it, I really proud of them.

I still not ready, I fail to fulfill some of the requirement, still fail to 'possess any transportation', I hate limitation.

I'm employed, I've earn my first wages, but it's not what I deserve. I've spent my 3 friggin year for this. This is just not enough.

Yeah, of course I enjoyed it, but when I began to get tired, I started to questioning myself.

Is it worth it? Seriously? For the sake of joy?

Customer.

A customer came into the shop where I work at.

"Dik, sini boleh buat gambar untuk batu nisan tuh."

My idiot pal confidently answered, "Boleh, tapi harga ikut kuantiti, brapa banyak kakak mau?'


and I laughed to death.

Stuck.

My routine was full of clicking. From 9 am to 8 am everyday except sunday. I starting to get bored with this, but I have no choice, I'm running out of dough.

No picture left to post. My creative flow stuck. My eyes can't see the aesthetic, my soul fail to produce the passion. Tomorrow I'll find an ear phone, need to feed myself with some fast beat to create the spark.

Poor blogs, now the chinese spammers are the only visitors.

Seek.

Some are ambitious, some seeking for joy, some seeking for future.
and some wait, and they didn't seek, because they not sure of the existence.


will be 23 in couple of month, but still fail to make any difference.

Stop

Picture taken at Bukit Jelutong, my friend's car got problem.

"Hey, apa plan lepas ni?"

I'm not sure, I have to admit that I'm not ready for anything yet. I am too small to enter 'The Industry'.

After D-Day.

Back to calm mode, everything happens really fast. The best thing about assessment is, is when it's over, it's kinda felt like releasing a mammoth out of your head.

and when the busy-ness gone, the loneliness came.

Penats.

Fix you.

When you try your best but you don't succeed
When you get what you want but not what you need
When you feel so tired but you can't sleep
Stuck in reverse.

And the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can't replace
When you love someone but it goes to waste
Could it be worse?

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

And high up above earth or down below
When you're too in love to let it go
But if you never try you'll never know
Just what you're worth

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

Tears stream, down your face
When you lose something you cannot replace
Tears stream down your face and I...


Tears stream, down your face
I promise you I will learn from my mistakes
Tears stream down your face and I...


Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you.

Terbit menyinar si sang mentari.

Haha. Tajuk post macam mok kena penerajang ongbak kan.

Introducing... future toilet.

malas taruk watermark. sepa curi aku tampar ginjal dia laju-laju, panat aku buat ni.

Pada era globalisasi ini(haha). Semua Ramai suka buat anak. Tapi tidak suka anak.

Masa kerja dan Masa tidur.

Malam tadi saya terpaksa buang masa tidur untuk masa kerja, just untuk cover masa-masa terbuang gara-gara PES.

Another rejection.

Re-post : Lok Kawi Beach

Thanks Pn. Siti. Again, she rejected my design, last night I stayed up to do the sketches. I really confidence that they gonna impress her.

Pn. Siti : Tidak, yang ni boleh develop lagi ni.
Me : Baik, puan.
Pn. Siti : Ok, awak pi buat sketches sekarang, petang nanti tunjuk kat saya.
Me : Orite. Saya buat sekarang, Thanks puan.

She asked me to sketch on the spot. Which something I can't do. I'm tired. Another sketches tonite. Sigh.

You guys can check my previous rejected 3D here.

Need my Mojo back.

Everytime I started to do something, I just failed to finish them in the right time. Feel like I'm a total failure. It seems like my engine didn't functioning well. My thesis, my Design, and my Furniture, the progress was really disappointing. I don't do more than 10% of the progress since last two weeks.

But this happen every fucking semester. Every semester, I feel down, I even thinking on quitting my study. I remember that well.

But what I don't really remember is, how did I got back in line, woke up and done my best to beat other.

Maybe, Lilian Too is right, Feng Shui. From tomorrow on, I'm going to change everything start with my haircut, it's Gallagher already.

I have a feeling that I'm gonna have a lot of thing to blog after this.

3001

Final week of January, still here rusty and uninspired. I can't even finish a single assignment, and didn't attend two of classes for the week, er.. maybe it's 3. I'm the type of person that hate to attend class when I'm not ready. I bet those lecturers started to hate me, they used to giving me a good grade last semester. They really going to kill me next week when I show my last week assignment.

Something keep worrying me, it's my MUET certificate. I lost it and and I haven't planned to repeat the paper because it was too late. I heard somewhere that they will ask for the certificate before graduate. I hope they wont ask for it!

Suwet January

To make my January sweeter, I bought a few accessories for my girl. I mean my D60.

The first testing with new accessories.

This is for her eyes, she often complaining about her eyes, the sun is to bright she said.

This will make she look more beautiful. You better perform well after this!

Seems like I have to eat maggie for the whole semester. But I still think it worth to buy, well the item price will raise when the product discontinue, Nikon is kind of brand that always like to surprised their costumer.

I bought SB-600, Polarize filter, and Flash Diffuser. All cost about RM900. Yeah I know that's a lot, this happen when you confuse between needs and wants.

Can't get all at once.

Taken somewhere at KK road. Edited with photoshop la of course.

We can't chase everything at once. Something we got to let it go.

Haha. Macam taik.

16 days of January.

It's only January and so many things going. I stared shooting in Raw, Updating Flickr, know some relatives, getting drunk, slept on someone floor, become a senior and give juniors hell, and outside, Religious issue, Churches attacked, my bestfriend got her boyfriend (haha), 50000 dead at Hiati, Reds out for FA cup... and so much more.

And it's only 15 days of January. Carpe Diem. Good or bad, make your day interesting.

Hello 5th floor. Bye-bye fat.

Just move to another room, finally I got my own 'heaven' and no need to sleep on the floor again. The good thing about sleeping on the floor is you'll wake early, but fak that, we final semers no need to wake up early unless you're the class rep.

I like the room, it well painted. But the 1st thing that I hate about this room, it smelly, and after 2 days, I notice the smell came from my roommate pillows. It stink, especially after you know where it came from.

5th floor, it definitely kill my leg.

Vono bed for my first room.

Owh great, somebody's-room-floor is my first bed for this semester. Viva la 2010!