Blood and Brain.

31st July, I receieve my 2nd wages after graduate. I never happy.

My friend work as a vegetarian restaurant's waiter, he earn more than mine. I am a graphic designer for crissake. I need a car to go further.

Everytime I thinking of getting a car, the newspaper, facebook started to show some horrifiying picture of car accident, and while I'm on a bus on my way to office this morning, I saw a body kneeling on the road, yes kneeling, with his head covered by newspaper and the road are splattered with blood... and brain. Probably hit by a car while crossing.

I'm trying to overcome my phobia here, goddamit.

Mundai.

9.55 a.m, saya bangun dan saya tahu saya terlewat. 9.15 pagi saya sepatutnya berada di tempat kerja. Mungkin pagi tadi saya matikan snoozer dalam keadaan separa sedar.

Namun saya masih agak releks, kerana rakan sekerja lain semuanya pernah datang lewat. Dua bulan saya bekerja, saya tak pernah ponteng walau sehari.

Lalu kusumbat earphone dan mulakan playlist. Bas bergerak agak perlahan ketika ini, I seriously need a car. Fuck mini bus!

Satu SMS diterima.

"Kamu di mana?" Kata bos wanita.

Tenang saya mereply, "Maybe saya lambat sedikit, pemandu bas masih berak, celaka betul dia!"

"Hahaha! Budu ko ni!" Balas bosku.

Sedikit humor menjadi penyelamat isninku.

Sandpaper.

It's been a busy day for me, 6 days of working, a day of sleeping.

Felt so rusty, my skills, my passion, all not been practice anymore. I used to be an enthusiast person. I posted every work I've done and wait for the response.

Uninspired has been my excuses, well it's a stupid excuses I have to admit.

All the ugly shall be remove soon, and a golden layer will be painted onto it.

Stupid.

Two offers. I've rejected both offer worth 1.6K of salary per month. Call me stupid. Well the offer came from KL and I hate the place. Yeah, it might a good place for vacation, but not for living. It's no place for me. The place is like underwater and which got nice view and you wish you could live there but you just couldn't because you'll be dead if you do so. Okay, maybe it just me.

Well, maybe I still think that there's other similar job here.

I've sent my resume to a few company, I hoping to get positive response soon.

Not enough.

Almost all my friend are employed now, Chief Designer, Production Design, Interior Designer, Sales Manager, Conceptual Designer. What a position. But they deserve it, I really proud of them.

I still not ready, I fail to fulfill some of the requirement, still fail to 'possess any transportation', I hate limitation.

I'm employed, I've earn my first wages, but it's not what I deserve. I've spent my 3 friggin year for this. This is just not enough.

Yeah, of course I enjoyed it, but when I began to get tired, I started to questioning myself.

Is it worth it? Seriously? For the sake of joy?

Customer.

A customer came into the shop where I work at.

"Dik, sini boleh buat gambar untuk batu nisan tuh."

My idiot pal confidently answered, "Boleh, tapi harga ikut kuantiti, brapa banyak kakak mau?'


and I laughed to death.