Everyday I woke up, I turned on the computer, checking of the availability of vacancy. I get out of the room, I open the classified section on newspaper. When I reach office, I googled the vacancy for the second time.
And it goes on and on for almost a month. Maybe I've been punished for being too picky.
31st July, I receieve my 2nd wages after graduate. I never happy.
My friend work as a vegetarian restaurant's waiter, he earn more than mine. I am a graphic designer for crissake. I need a car to go further.
Everytime I thinking of getting a car, the newspaper, facebook started to show some horrifiying picture of car accident, and while I'm on a bus on my way to office this morning, I saw a body kneeling on the road, yes kneeling, with his head covered by newspaper and the road are splattered with blood... and brain. Probably hit by a car while crossing.
9.55 a.m, saya bangun dan saya tahu saya terlewat. 9.15 pagi saya sepatutnya berada di tempat kerja. Mungkin pagi tadi saya matikan snoozer dalam keadaan separa sedar.
Namun saya masih agak releks, kerana rakan sekerja lain semuanya pernah datang lewat. Dua bulan saya bekerja, saya tak pernah ponteng walau sehari.
Lalu kusumbat earphone dan mulakan playlist. Bas bergerak agak perlahan ketika ini, I seriously need a car. Fuck mini bus!
Satu SMS diterima.
"Kamu di mana?" Kata bos wanita.
Tenang saya mereply, "Maybe saya lambat sedikit, pemandu bas masih berak, celaka betul dia!"
It's been a busy day for me, 6 days of working, a day of sleeping.
Felt so rusty, my skills, my passion, all not been practice anymore. I used to be an enthusiast person. I posted every work I've done and wait for the response.
Uninspired has been my excuses, well it's a stupid excuses I have to admit.
All the ugly shall be remove soon, and a golden layer will be painted onto it.
Two offers. I've rejected both offer worth 1.6K of salary per month. Call me stupid. Well the offer came from KL and I hate the place. Yeah, it might a good place for vacation, but not for living. It's no place for me. The place is like underwater and which got nice view and you wish you could live there but you just couldn't because you'll be dead if you do so. Okay, maybe it just me.
Well, maybe I still think that there's other similar job here.
I've sent my resume to a few company, I hoping to get positive response soon.
Almost all my friend are employed now, Chief Designer, Production Design, Interior Designer, Sales Manager, Conceptual Designer. What a position. But they deserve it, I really proud of them.
I still not ready, I fail to fulfill some of the requirement, still fail to 'possess any transportation', I hate limitation.
I'm employed, I've earn my first wages, but it's not what I deserve. I've spent my 3 friggin year for this. This is just not enough.
Yeah, of course I enjoyed it, but when I began to get tired, I started to questioning myself.
My routine was full of clicking. From 9 am to 8 am everyday except sunday. I starting to get bored with this, but I have no choice, I'm running out of dough.
No picture left to post. My creative flow stuck. My eyes can't see the aesthetic, my soul fail to produce the passion. Tomorrow I'll find an ear phone, need to feed myself with some fast beat to create the spark.
Poor blogs, now the chinese spammers are the only visitors.
Back to calm mode, everything happens really fast. The best thing about assessment is, is when it's over, it's kinda felt like releasing a mammoth out of your head.
When you try your best but you don't succeed When you get what you want but not what you need When you feel so tired but you can't sleep Stuck in reverse.
And the tears come streaming down your face When you lose something you can't replace When you love someone but it goes to waste Could it be worse?
Lights will guide you home And ignite your bones And I will try to fix you
And high up above earth or down below When you're too in love to let it go But if you never try you'll never know Just what you're worth
Lights will guide you home And ignite your bones And I will try to fix you
Tears stream, down your face When you lose something you cannot replace Tears stream down your face and I...
Tears stream, down your face I promise you I will learn from my mistakes Tears stream down your face and I...
Lights will guide you home And ignite your bones And I will try to fix you.
Thanks Pn. Siti. Again, she rejected my design, last night I stayed up to do the sketches. I really confidence that they gonna impress her.
Pn. Siti : Tidak, yang ni boleh develop lagi ni. Me : Baik, puan. Pn. Siti : Ok, awak pi buat sketches sekarang, petang nanti tunjuk kat saya. Me : Orite. Saya buat sekarang, Thanks puan.
She asked me to sketch on the spot. Which something I can't do. I'm tired. Another sketches tonite. Sigh.
Everytime I started to do something, I just failed to finish them in the right time. Feel like I'm a total failure. It seems like my engine didn't functioning well. My thesis, my Design, and my Furniture, the progress was really disappointing. I don't do more than 10% of the progress since last two weeks.
But this happen every fucking semester. Every semester, I feel down, I even thinking on quitting my study. I remember that well.
But what I don't really remember is, how did I got back in line, woke up and done my best to beat other.
Maybe, Lilian Too is right, Feng Shui. From tomorrow on, I'm going to change everything start with my haircut, it's Gallagher already.
I have a feeling that I'm gonna have a lot of thing to blog after this.
Final week of January, still here rusty and uninspired. I can't even finish a single assignment, and didn't attend two of classes for the week, er.. maybe it's 3. I'm the type of person that hate to attend class when I'm not ready. I bet those lecturers started to hate me, they used to giving me a good grade last semester. They really going to kill me next week when I show my last week assignment.
Something keep worrying me, it's my MUET certificate. I lost it and and I haven't planned to repeat the paper because it was too late. I heard somewhere that they will ask for the certificate before graduate. I hope they wont ask for it!
This is for her eyes, she often complaining about her eyes, the sun is to bright she said.
This will make she look more beautiful. You better perform well after this!
Seems like I have to eat maggie for the whole semester. But I still think it worth to buy, well the item price will raise when the product discontinue, Nikon is kind of brand that always like to surprised their costumer.
I bought SB-600, Polarize filter, and Flash Diffuser. All cost about RM900. Yeah I know that's a lot, this happen when you confuse between needs and wants.
